There is a poem that has been on my mind continually these days, called “Tripping over Joy.”
I think of this poem when I contemplate the new building we have rented for our church (pictured above). It is a wonderful space–ideally suited to our needs. The caretaker who lives in the house says “It just has a great vibe.” And I can’t help but agree. It feels good, I mean great, to be there. I just want to linger there as long as I possibly can each time we go for a service or to clean.
Here in Hawaii, doors open and close mysteriously. I have never before felt so powerless but also so cared for. It is quite clear that we do not open the doors. All we can do is knock and hope and let doors open and close as they will.
The process of searching for a building for our mission followed this same pattern. Each time we found a place that we thought could work, something would happen–we would learn that it had already been rented or that the landlord did not want to rent to a church. After so much knocking with so little success, and when it felt like we had exhausted every single option, I became profoundly discouraged. I called my husband to turn in my letter of resignation. He said, “Oh Jenny, it will get better.”
After I got off with him, my phone rang. It was a realtor, calling to tell me that the owner of this property wanted to lease to us. I suddenly understood why all those doors had been shut–this was the one we needed to walk through.
Members of our mission have been eyeing this property for years. I walked the grounds a month before the realtor called, and it had such a feeling of rightness that I called my husband right away to tell him I had found our church. He said, “Jenny, don’t ever say that again unless you have actually found a place that we can rent.”
But it was true. That intuitive feeling was connected to a deeper reality. We had found the home for our mission–or perhaps this home had found us.
Tripping over Joy
What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a fantastic Move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I surrender!”
Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.
-Daniel Ladinsky (I Heard God Laughing)
Julia
1
I like this poem, Jenny, and the story about finding your church. I’ve also been visiting here and reading through your boundless archives, which is so enjoyable. I learn a lot from you!
jenny
1
Julia,
Amazing. I was just reading your poem as you were visiting here. I am glad to hear from you. I want you to write a book that I can keep beside my bed to read in the morning for inspiration and at night for comfort. Thank you for helping me make sense of so much. I love you!
Beth Johnson
1
Oh Jenny how good to “hear” your voice; it made my day. So glad to have you with us on poetry Wednesday. Congratulations of finding a new home for your mission. Bishop MARK has granted us his blessing to begin a mission in the Iowa Quad Cities and though not looking for a building, finding a location to meet has been at the core of our beginnings (I think we will soon have a place) not to mention a group of people. Keep us in your prayers.
Thank you for this poem. We are such funny creatures to imagine that we have so many moves and no matter how many times God’s hand is evidenced in my life, still I lapse into the control game. Oh surrender.
Thank you also for your story about Met. Bloom. I love that. And how I love that she was having a beer and smoking a cigarette. Love is the Measure became my title from what I had read in Dorothy Day’s writings but last night as I was reading about Mother Maria, I came across a quote from her stating exactly the same thing. They are both so dear to my heart.
jenny
1
Beth,
How is that I didn’t realize that you and I love most of the same writers and people back when we were in the same town? I love Henri Nouwen, too. Have you read, “The Inner Voice of Love” or “Our Greatest Gift?”
Anyway, your blog post was totally beautiful. It is so great to “hear” you as well. I am excited to be part of Poetry Wednesday. If only I could actually manage to post on that day :).
Molly Sabourin
1
See, Jenny! This is why I missed your posts! This afternoon has been weird for me – I just feel “off” – and then I come here to find such an encouraging reflection (congratulations on the new building!) and gentle reminder to stay open and malleable. I just adore that poem. I like to imagine myself laughing while saying, “OK, I surrender!” trusting completely in the wisdom of my Beloved.
Thank you for joining Poetry Wednesdays!!
amber
1
Oh, this poem was written for me and all my serious moves. I am weary of lent already and am ready for the sublime resurrection!
jenny
1
Moily,
I am so happy to hear that this post was en encouragement. I can not get over what a beautiful experience you are creating for others through your blog. It seems to me to be an incredible form of hospitality.
And Amber, me too. I love the image of myself hunched over that chessboard, eyebrows furrowed, thinking that if I can just come up with the right strategy I will win the game. Oh yeah, well, whatever!
Beth Johnson
1
I have read “Our Greatest Gift” several times but I don’t see “The Inner Voice of Love” on our shelves, which seems a bit strange. I love his books, “Compassion,” “Adam,” and “The Wounded Healer.” He and then Merton, whom I found via Nouwen, have been extremely influential on my spiritual life.